Today my baby girl had her first day of kindergarten. Her first day of school (not counting the 3 years of preschool, mind you). The first day of the rest of her life. Or at least her life for the next 13 years. She was excited and I knew she would do well. I wasn't sure if I would do well, however.
When we got to school I could see cars parked all the way out to the street, in the grass and pretty much everywhere I looked. Fortunately, at the time we got there cars were beginning to leave and we were able to find a spot right away. Unfortunately, right at that time began a total downpour. I happened to have an umbrella in the trunk for Hayden to hold and the stroller has a sunshade and I had a hooded jacket in the car, so we made it inside fairly dry, including the card Hayden made (all on her own this morning) for her teacher and the flowers I'd picked the night before. I hadn't realized how long and slow the line of cars to drop off kids would be, though I figured there would be more cars in the parking lot than usual, so we really had to hurry in to make it on time. We were so rushed I didn't have time to think, much less cry when I dropped her off. I was sure I'd be a wreck so this surprised me. Maybe it is good we were running late!
The next couple hours went by fairly fast, having coffee with friends and then puttering around the house while I waited for it to be time to walk down the street to wait for Hayden. The bus was due to arrive at 12:40 so we left at 12:30, just to be safe. Bryce and I waited near the end of the street, me keeping my eye out for the big yellow bus to turn the corner below. He occupied himself throwing rocks and leaves and pine cones into the bushes in the empty lot across the street. I occupied myself by panicking a tiny bit more with each passing minute. I thought, oh no. What if there is a problem and the school called me but I didn't get the message because we were already outside? I also was sure if I ran back (hauling 31.5 pounds of toddler) to grab my cell phone that the bus would come at that exact moment and we'd miss it. So we waited. Finally about 10 minutes late the bus pulled up. I gave the bus driver the flowers I'd picked for her and almost cried out of sheer relief. I was SO GLAD to see my best girl coming down the bus stairs. She was happy, had enjoyed school and the bus ride, and we walked home holding hands.
Later on, after Hayden was seated and having lunch I looked at her cute little self sitting there eating, completely unaware of the momentous step she had just taken, and I was overcome with emotion. I went up behind her to give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek and tell her again how glad I was to have her home. As I was leaning in, I let out a huge breath of air. It was like I had forgotten to breathe until that very moment. I keep taking deep breaths and reminding myself that we survived, did quite well even. I just need to remember to breathe.
