Someone said this to me today, an old friend (former coworker) who was visiting. So you're just a stay-at-home mom. It wasn't a question, but a statement. I said we stay as busy as we want to and have a very active social life between the MOMS Club and preschool. It sounded lame as the words came out of my mouth and I didn't care, didn't bother to explain it is the best job in the world and everyone should be so lucky. She is someone who has always worked and always had to work, as far as I understand. I thought, maybe she is saying it with some envy, wondering what her life would have been like, what she would be like now, if she had been able to stay home with her child. Or maybe she was saying it with pity, with distaste, wondering how I can be wasting my life and my master's degree. I didn't press the subject.
I consider the joy of being a full-time mom to be a well-kept secret. I don't really want the world to know how amazing it is. Kind of like my life, I would like my job to stay under the radar. It is one of those things you can't understand until you experience it. And there are plenty of moms who do NOT enjoy staying home with their kids and don't understand how anyone could like it. There are days when I have wanted to go back to work just to get a break, but most days I am fully aware how good I have it. I really can't relate to someone who doesn't enjoy the job that gives me the greatest satisfaction I have ever had. It is a debate in which I don't want to engage.
Just a stay-at-home mom. I've been trying to come up with a parallel. Like saying oh, you're just the CEO of Microsoft. You're just the president of the United States. Okay, okay. I realize that isn't quite the same thing. But nonetheless I feel I have one of the most important jobs in the world. In some ways I am sorry that moms like me don't get the respect we deserve. But as I said, I consider it to be a well-kept secret. Let "them" think it's a mindless, thankless job. I know the truth, and that is all that matters.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
Fear and Steel Magnolias
I have a ridiculous notion held on from childhood that if I don't speak about bad things, they won't happen. I am even too superstitious to write about some of them, though I have touched on a few fears here.
My solution to this is to pray. And pray and pray. I am beginning to feel a little bit like Annelle from Steel Magnolias, who took her faith a little too far, stopping to pray every other minute over something or other and raising the eyebrows of the other ladies. You have to have seen the movie. She got over it, was able to have faith in God and not be overly, what, prayerful? But I understand that feeling, that I can somehow protect my family and myself if I just pray hard enough. I guess it is better to pray too much than to live in fear. Sometimes I manage to do a little of both. I am a work in progress. A good friend lent me a book about faith and I am hoping it will help me to sort out some of my feelings. Perhaps someday I can write about that. I should be outside working but it is pouring rain, so maybe I should sit down with my book (and tune out Barney singing in the background).
Note: I really don't mind Barney, and I especially don't mind the little cutie who is clapping along. I truly am blessed.
My solution to this is to pray. And pray and pray. I am beginning to feel a little bit like Annelle from Steel Magnolias, who took her faith a little too far, stopping to pray every other minute over something or other and raising the eyebrows of the other ladies. You have to have seen the movie. She got over it, was able to have faith in God and not be overly, what, prayerful? But I understand that feeling, that I can somehow protect my family and myself if I just pray hard enough. I guess it is better to pray too much than to live in fear. Sometimes I manage to do a little of both. I am a work in progress. A good friend lent me a book about faith and I am hoping it will help me to sort out some of my feelings. Perhaps someday I can write about that. I should be outside working but it is pouring rain, so maybe I should sit down with my book (and tune out Barney singing in the background).
Note: I really don't mind Barney, and I especially don't mind the little cutie who is clapping along. I truly am blessed.
Next will be the bomb shelter
I wrote before about how I have a hard time enjoying life when things are going well. A second facet of this is that when we have money in the bank I feel the need to stock up on things, JUST IN CASE. Part of this might be genetic. My aunt was great about buying things in bulk so she'd have them when she needed them. My grandparents took this to a whole other level. They had a whole garage filled with things JUST IN CASE. Now later on we found out this is a symptom of Alzheimer's, which my grandma developed. We didn't put the facts together at the time. But being prepared is not a bad thing. My aunt also was good about using coupons and sales to stock up, and I do that, too. She was such a good role model in so many ways. I should write about her another day. She was an amazing person.
Right now I am doing a lot of home improvement projects, rather than stocking up on stuff, because I want to make sure they get done while the funds are there. I have an urgency about it, even though there is no reason for me to be in such a rush. It is the what-ifs that make me want to get everything done NOW. Again, in the long run especially this is not a bad thing. But the amount of nervous energy I have is incredible.
Then I worry a teeny, tiny bit that what if this energy is actually mania. My sister has bipolar disorder and some components are genetic. Even though we don't know anyone else in the family who has it, I could be next. Logically I know that is unlikely. But it is still in the back of my mind.
Calgon, take me away!! The upside of the nervous energy is I am getting a lot done and I have very little appetite so I am not mindlessly snacking the day away. But the nervous energy will come to an end soon, I am sure. I just hope not until the garden projects are done. I need all the energy I can get for that!
Right now I am doing a lot of home improvement projects, rather than stocking up on stuff, because I want to make sure they get done while the funds are there. I have an urgency about it, even though there is no reason for me to be in such a rush. It is the what-ifs that make me want to get everything done NOW. Again, in the long run especially this is not a bad thing. But the amount of nervous energy I have is incredible.
Then I worry a teeny, tiny bit that what if this energy is actually mania. My sister has bipolar disorder and some components are genetic. Even though we don't know anyone else in the family who has it, I could be next. Logically I know that is unlikely. But it is still in the back of my mind.
Calgon, take me away!! The upside of the nervous energy is I am getting a lot done and I have very little appetite so I am not mindlessly snacking the day away. But the nervous energy will come to an end soon, I am sure. I just hope not until the garden projects are done. I need all the energy I can get for that!
Friday, August 22, 2008
Thursday, August 21, 2008
This is Your Life
I keep hearing that in my head. Is it from a tv show or movie? I can't remember.
Sometimes I sit in amazement when I realize this is it. All of my young life I wondered what it would be like to be married and have a family and now I am living it. It is not quite what I expected but for the most part is better than I imagined. My kids, while sometimes aggravating, are the most fascinating thing I have ever known. Just watching them, listening to them and interacting with them is so amazing. I am still in awe that they are mine, that I made them (with a little help from my husband and God, mind you). I suppose some people would be bored to tears by the endless household chores, the getting dressed and undressed, the many meals, the diapers. But I truly love it. When I am rocking my baby, I often think to myself, This is the best job I've ever had. And I know it is the best job I will ever have. Teaching other people's children is rewarding, certainly, and I do still hope to someday get paid to write. But there is no job I can think of as meaningful or enjoyable as being Mama. Being a wife is a close second, though. This is my life. How lucky.
Sometimes I sit in amazement when I realize this is it. All of my young life I wondered what it would be like to be married and have a family and now I am living it. It is not quite what I expected but for the most part is better than I imagined. My kids, while sometimes aggravating, are the most fascinating thing I have ever known. Just watching them, listening to them and interacting with them is so amazing. I am still in awe that they are mine, that I made them (with a little help from my husband and God, mind you). I suppose some people would be bored to tears by the endless household chores, the getting dressed and undressed, the many meals, the diapers. But I truly love it. When I am rocking my baby, I often think to myself, This is the best job I've ever had. And I know it is the best job I will ever have. Teaching other people's children is rewarding, certainly, and I do still hope to someday get paid to write. But there is no job I can think of as meaningful or enjoyable as being Mama. Being a wife is a close second, though. This is my life. How lucky.
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