I wrote before about how I have a hard time enjoying life when things are going well. A second facet of this is that when we have money in the bank I feel the need to stock up on things, JUST IN CASE. Part of this might be genetic. My aunt was great about buying things in bulk so she'd have them when she needed them. My grandparents took this to a whole other level. They had a whole garage filled with things JUST IN CASE. Now later on we found out this is a symptom of Alzheimer's, which my grandma developed. We didn't put the facts together at the time. But being prepared is not a bad thing. My aunt also was good about using coupons and sales to stock up, and I do that, too. She was such a good role model in so many ways. I should write about her another day. She was an amazing person.
Right now I am doing a lot of home improvement projects, rather than stocking up on stuff, because I want to make sure they get done while the funds are there. I have an urgency about it, even though there is no reason for me to be in such a rush. It is the what-ifs that make me want to get everything done NOW. Again, in the long run especially this is not a bad thing. But the amount of nervous energy I have is incredible.
Then I worry a teeny, tiny bit that what if this energy is actually mania. My sister has bipolar disorder and some components are genetic. Even though we don't know anyone else in the family who has it, I could be next. Logically I know that is unlikely. But it is still in the back of my mind.
Calgon, take me away!! The upside of the nervous energy is I am getting a lot done and I have very little appetite so I am not mindlessly snacking the day away. But the nervous energy will come to an end soon, I am sure. I just hope not until the garden projects are done. I need all the energy I can get for that!
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