Being an adult makes it harder to appreciate some things. Like birthdays. I used to love birthdays because I got one of my favorite things--cake! And how nice to be showered with presents. But as an adult, I can buy or make cake anytime I want. And I can buy pretty much what I want whenever I want (within reason, not talking a new yacht here). Suddenly my birthday is not so magical. I guess the upside is that any day can be a party now. I don't have to wait months at a time.
Come to think of it, my own birthday wasn't always so fun growing up. Having a summer birthday meant it was hard to gather friends, who were often on vacation or otherwise unavailable. I used to be so jealous of the kids with birthdays during the school year. Oh to be able to bring in cupcakes and have the whole class sing to you! Not possible when you are born in July. So often birthdays were more lonely than anything.
When I think back on birthday presents, I have mixed emotions, at best. For my 5th birthday I wanted, and got!, a green plastic turtle wading pool. It had a slide down the back of the turtle's head into the pool. I think somewhere there are photos of my friend Sara and me in our sundresses, sliding into the empty pool during the party. That was the only time I ever got to use it. The pool blew out of our garage in a heavy wind and got cracked on the gravel driveway. To this day I don't know why my parents didn't replace it. It was 1981; it cost $10 at most. But they didn't, and I never got another pool.
One year, I think I was turning 10, all I wanted in the whole wide world was a Huffy 10-speed bike, the kind with the curved handlebars. It was pink and gray and I couldn't think of anything more cool. But my parents told me repeatedly it was too expensive, just not in the budget. So I got over it and wondered what I'd get instead. The morning of my birthday, I got up early and found the bike in our living room. Instead of being overjoyed, I felt sick. My parents said we couldn't afford it and got it for me anyway. (Maybe to make up for the turtle pool years before. Ha ha ha.) It took me a while to be able to enjoy that bicycle. I always felt like I never should have gotten it. Even thinking about it now, guilt is the first thing that comes to mind, not carefree summer days. I don't know if my parents were trying to throw me off track and that is why they said I couldn't have it or if they really had to sacrifice for me to get it. I did have some fun on it, riding on camping trips with friends. But when I think back on my first, and only, bicycle I mainly remember the morning I found it and how awful I felt.
Wow, I am just depressing myself. There has to have been one year that was memorable in a good way! I can recall memorable gifts but I think most were from Christmas. I am sure I got some Barbie or baby doll I really wanted and loved. This is really sad. I honestly can't remember a year that was really spectacular. Most were just fine, quiet. The one thing I am taking away from this otherwise depressing post is that I hope my two kids will have more good than bad memories. Even if they don't recall what meaningful gifts they received specific years, I hope their birthdays will blur together in a memory of family and friends and feeling loved. Overall, I know I mostly felt loved. That is all that really matters.
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