Breaking

My heart is not broken.  It is breaking over and over and over again.  Every time I hear a click or tap and look over, thinking Niles is walking by.  Every time I see his empty food bowl.  Every time I notice just how empty the house is when I am here alone.  His favorite spot on the corner of the couch.  I used to joke that Niles' job was to pretty up the place, just sitting there looking charming.  And he did.  I smiled every time I would look over and see him sleeping.  There is something so peaceful about a cat curled up on the couch.  Nothing says "home" like a sleeping cat, purring even in his sleep.  Memories of Niles are everywhere.  Thinking of Bryce's toy cat collection (he has four different Niles cats in it).  Niles sleeping on Hayden's bed at night, or sleeping amongst her stuffed animals during the day and blending right in.  Niles responding with a meow when one of us said his name.  Memories everywhere, but Niles nowhere.  Tears everywhere.