Looking for the tarnished lining

In my life before I was married with children, I needed to work harder at being happy. My mantra was "take great joy in small things." I prided myself (and still do) on noticing things other people might overlook--a tiny flower, a pretty sunset, an unspoken good deed. I loved reading funny anecdotes in Reader's Digest or watching comedies on tv. Anything to make me laugh. And I loved making other people laugh. I was a reasonably happy person. But I had to work at it. Not a bad thing, really, to perpetually be on the lookout for things to bring me joy, but sometimes wearing.

So I find it strange that now I look for things that make me unhappy. I don't really go around searching for negativity. But now that I truly AM happy, without having to work so hard for it, I am afraid of something taking my happiness away. I have a ridiculous belief that as long as there is something I am unhappy about, the things I am happy about (namely, my family) will stay safe. So when something upsets me (like this house, or our rude neighbors) I almost sigh in relief. When everything seems to be going well, instead of enjoying it I worry about what is lurking around the corner. As long as there is something aggravating, I can let myself feel happy. Crazy, I know.